Shameful Silence
1 in 3 Men are Victims of Domestic Violence
A research-driven, trauma-informed examination of the silent crisis affecting fathers, sons, brothers, partners, and communities across all backgrounds.
June 2, 2026
Research That Can't Be Ignored
The data behind the book
1 in 3 men will experience intimate partner violence in their lifetime
Only 10% of male victims report abuse due to stigma and shame
Less than 1% of domestic violence shelter beds are available to men
835,000 men are physically assaulted by intimate partners annually in the U.S.
cause police to misclassify male victims as perpetrators.
is weaponized through deportation threats and document control.
reviews
What Readers Are Saying
Lozano brings together solid research, powerful personal stories, and sharp legal insight to shine a light on a hidden epidemic. This book doesn’t just inform―it shifts how we understand intimate partner violence and challenges us to see it more clearly and compassionately.”
author of From I Do to We Do and host of The Dude Therapist podcast
Eye-opening and urgent, Shameful Silence exposes the hidden costs of our gendered assumptions about violence and offers a compelling vision for a more inclusive approach to supporting all survivors.”
therapist, speaker, host of The Dr. Sylvia K Show podcast, and author of Lonely AF
Powerful, passionate, and meticulously researched, Shameful Silence is both an indictment of our current systems and a roadmap for creating a more equitable future where all victims receive the support they deserve.”
youth worker, educator, speaker, and author of The Science of Discipline
With compassion and clarity, Lozano illuminates the silent suffering of countless men and provides a roadmap for systemic change. Shameful Silence is a must-read for anyone committed to ending domestic violence in all its forms.”
child and adolescent psychotherapist, parenting educator, public speaker, and author of Breaking the Boy Code
Why this book exists
I had been hearing the stories for years. Men walking through the doors of my law offices, seeking immigration guidance, and slowly, carefully, beginning to describe something else entirely. Emotional control. Financial restriction. Immigration status weaponized as a threat. Physical violence, they had no language for. A shame so deeply embedded that most of them did not even recognize what was happening as abuse. The research existed, quietly, in academic journals no one was reading.Â
The data was clear: 1 in 3 men experience intimate partner violence in their lifetime. And virtually no mainstream book had ever addressed this with the gravity and care it deserved. I funded a $1 million independent research study to make sure the evidence was there. Then I wrote the book. Shameful Silence is not a political statement. It is not a men’s rights manifesto. It is a correction. A corrective lens on a conversation that has been incomplete for too long, from someone who has seen the consequences of that incompleteness firsthand, across tens of thousands of real cases.
What the book covers
Why men believe silence is their only option
How cultural stereotypes trap men in abusive relationships
Police, courts, and social services built for only one type of victim
How deportation threats and document manipulation trap victims
Trauma bonding, self-blame, and emotional erosion
Public health solutions, legal reform, and a path forward
FOR LEGAL PROFESSIONALS
You are seeing these cases right now. You may not be recognizing them for what they are. The majority of domestic violence legal frameworks were built without male victims in mind. VAWA’s use in immigration law. Primary aggressor assumptions by police. Family court decisions made through a lens that does not see what Alexandra has seen in over 17 years of handling these cases at scale.
Shameful Silence gives you the legal framework, the psychological understanding, and the case context to identify and represent an entirely underserved population. It is also the opening of a legitimate, meaningful, and significant new practice area. Alexandra Lozano’s firm has processed more VAWA and T Visa cases than virtually any firm in the country. This book is what she has learned.
This is not a book about blame.
It’s about recognition, public health, and humane understanding. Powerful research. Real case insights. A call for reform.